I was explaining to my massage therapist the other day, “No just a 30 minute massage on my legs.”
She asks, “Have you started a new workout routine? Running?”
“No, I have MS, and my symptoms show mostly in my legs. So it feels real nice to have them rubbed every couple of weeks.”
And that was that.
I didn’t make any snotty comments.
I didn’t make any uncomfortable jokes.
I didn’t make any politically incorrect statements.
Because snotty comments, uncomfortable jokes and politically incorrect statements are sometimes bitter.
The doctors told me that six months after my initial exacerbation would be the date I would know which symptoms had left permanent damage. Basically, six months from September 30th would tell me what my real (new) normal is.
So March 30th finally came… with a lot of anxiety.
And (admittedly) a lot of rage.
After a minor (let’s be real.. I don’t do much “minor.”) melt down to my unbelievably supportive husband, I finally let go of six months worth of distress and anger.
Both feelings are justified. A shit ton of shit fell into my world all at once. And obviously mostly not for the better. But the truth of that justification is that life is just too short to be bitter. Shit tons of shit fall all over everyday. The only difference is how we all want to deal with it.
And I’ve decided It’s so much energy to be angry all the time. (And let’s be real, I gotta bank that energy for weekends out with my friends. I’d much rather use that energy for Bloody Mary day drinking!)
It’s okay to have felt the disappointment from the last six months. But, there’s no time to hang on to anger, it’s not changing anything. And in the meantime I can’t stand to even miss out on all the good things going on:
I have the best partner in life anyone could ask for. No questions asked, the past few months have shown me how patient, involved and accommodating my husband is. He’s beyond what I ever imagined.
I have incredible friends that don’t miss a beat. There’s always just the right amount of expectation and understanding to keep life moving right along.
I have a family that supports my choices through this new adventure especially in healthcare and personal care. They are the real example of providing roots and wings.
I have a job like no other (in many, many ways!) that challenges me mentally and physically everyday. I am so fortunate to work with people who love and care about me like family.
I have a body that might have some aches and clumsiness along the way, but still has strength and determination. With the right amount of routine, I’ve overcome a bit and feel really good about it.
That’s not to say there aren’t moments where frustration comes in. There are for sure times where things just aren’t like they used to be, and it’s a little irritating. Still somethings that I might not be able to do again (ahem, glitter heels), or at least do like I used to.
But that’s life, right?
Life happens and we continue moving forward.
We have to.
I have to.
I mean there are still some things that deserve some uncomfortable jokes, right? Like falling off the bed while sitting down in only your underwear. Gah! It’s so awkward, it is funny.
And really, in times like that what’s a girl going to do? She’s going to confront the elephant in the room and make a joke about it.
Besides, that’s a great story to tell over bloody Marys, am I right?!