So I work out on a pretty regular basis… it might be strange to say, but I do really enjoy working out. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure if I looked like Lindsey and didn’t need to work out, I probably wouldn’t enjoy it as much. But, I suppose it is a good hobby… besides being good for me, canceling out all the calories from the terrible food and ridiculous amounts of wine I drink, and a way to relieve stress, working out also gives me time to think. Although for the past few days my thought process has been interrupted by some very annoying gym members…
(I know what you are thinking… Kari going to bitch about something? That would be something new and different for her. But just bear with me for a bit… these people would get on your nerves also.. I promise)…. Unless you are Elizabeth, and love the entire human race (excluding strict Republicans) all because everyone is different and that’s what makes us special…
Anyway, call me a bitch, but this is what I would like to say to these gym members who have apparently forgotten their gym etiquette.
To the man who makes horse noises while working out: Please get some water, or perhaps a piece of chewing gum… anything that would stop you from doing that with your mouth. It is a very odd sound that throws my whole run off.
To the woman who tells me her whole weight-loss-weight-gain-battle-life-story every time I see her: I truly am sorry that you have had to deal with those experiences. It sucks to battle with your weight, but so goes life. Please pay to visit with a therapist, s/he will have more time and sympathy for you. (We all are working out for the same reason lady).
To the man who always wants to know “How my workout went, and how many calories I burned today:” This might not offend/annoy another person.. but it does bother me. Please just smile and simply say hello if you think that you need to make some sort of small talk conversation.
To the older couple that literally make out in between reps on the leg machine: You all have probably been married for a good 15-20 years now, he knows you love him, she knows you love her. The whole damn gym knows about the love you share. Is it necessary to kiss and say “I love you” between each 15 leg lifts??
To the high school couple that enjoy working out together (probably because they think they are “true love” and will be together forever): I enjoy your bliss, but buddy seeing your girlfriend work out OBVIOUSLY gets you exicted (again, something the entire gym knows about) buy some tighter fitting undies to wear while working out. Your massive erection is a bit disturbing, and definitely distracts my workout.
To the woman who always wears the black sports bra and tiny black “hot pants” to work out in: Your body is amazing, you should be very proud of it.. I am a bit jealous. But, try and leave something to the imagination.
And finally.. To the man who sounds like he is dying while doing his free weight circuit: The weights that you are trying to lift are too heavy for you!!! Stop trying to commit suicide at the gym just trying to look buff. Girls will think you are more hot alive, than lying dead with the bench press bar smashed against your chest.
Hmm.. wonder what they think of me..