Tag Archives: Mother Computer

Dedicated to the anonymous internet stalkers. You are funny in your own awkward, lurking way.

Tonite I am a little weirded out about how small the world is.
For quite a while now, my dad has being giving Derek and I a hard time about what we post on the internet. About how awkward it is that the world knows when we shit or how talented we (at least one of us is…) are at underwear removal. But to him I have just always responded with something along the lines of “how funny that is.” I mean really! Isn’t it funny to tell other people intimate things about yourself that are just a little awkward?
All done in a non-confrontational way on the internet.
I mean… what I have to say might make you feel a little uncomfortable, so why don’t I just post it here on the World Wide Web for you or anyone in the universe to see?
That’s funny.
But, right on the other side of funny, real close to funny, touching sides with funny… is weird.
I have often thought about who might read my blog. Not too many people. I mean really, I don’t lead too much of an exciting life to have others care about checking in on a regular basis.
This naïve little thought of mine was floating around my head until the other week in class. One gal in my class mentioned that she had read my blog. Hmm… cool.
Cool?
Weird?
Last Wednesday in class another gal made a comment about the blog as well.
Funny.
We all have the same sense of humor. (Making points to the idiots in the front row of course.)
But, if these ladies are reading, are my students? Are my co-workers? What about that kid in the front row? Does he know how much I wish he would leave my treasured profession? And how much of that is funny? Or is it just on the weird side?
Not too many people would make that big of a deal about it I suppose.
I mean, I did decide to write in an on-line journal. But, do I really want everyone I know to read these ramblings?
Well so then, why write?
Hmm… maybe because I have always kept a journal of life happenings, maybe because I like to write and secretly want someone to pay me to sit here at home and type on my keyboard about the life of a special education teacher, maybe because a little bit of me wants to rebel against those who think someone teaching America’s youth has to be conservative and lame, maybe because it is a passive aggressive approach to some sticky situations in life, ehh…mostly because I think I am funny.
Anyway, this is what got me thinking about how small the world is and then I decided to do some serious investigation.
The mother computer, stationed in the great NYC, came up with this slightly pedophile idea called MYSPACE which gave me a great place to mill around.
After conducting some investigation, I have come up with two things…
1. I am done with MYSPACE. I can hardly fathom the amount of people I can track back to others. It’s just crazy. A friend of mine from college has a photo in her album with another friend of mine from high school in the back ground. This is just one example, and one that I am sure got my husband all riled up and excited about what a great idea the mother computer had linking us all together… I am sure he is thinking about how this is a sign that we really shouldn’t be “burning bridges.” But it freaks me out.
2. I wouldn’t mind being paid to be an internet stalker.

Although it might be a little bit funny for the people from the class of 2003 to read about elitist attitude and see my boobs in the slutty Halloween costume photos. I do think I am a little disturbed by the idea that I don’t know who in the world has access to me. That’s where funny jumps right on over the line to weird.
(Not that I am really concerned that I have many people in the world just sitting around wondering what happens if they use “the google” to look for Kari Brooks. I am just saying…)
I mean, are we really all connected through this great invention called the “internet?”
And if your answer is yes… can you please explain to me just exactly where the fuck is the internet?

(Ha. That question… slightly awkward because it’s true. But, so funny.)

what do internet blackholes, STDs, and gluttony all have in common?

V-DAY

Like the cards that I write… there is always a rough draft… and things are no different with this blogging business. Only, generally, my rough draft blog does not get lost in an internet black hole when my dog accidentally brushes against me causing a shock so large it immediately shuts off my computer.

(I am certain though that if the mother computer could be reached I would find this lost article… if only I could afford a ticket to New York. Oh… someday we will meet you maternal internet genius.)

Generally my computer is never so abruptly turned off… unless I read some judgmental bull shit about the philosophy of permanence…. That in fact causes me to shut off my computer on the spot.

(See without the rough draft of this article you get all the bitter thoughts that run through my head that would normally be filtered out. You get what you pay for…)

Anyway, the majority of my now lost rough draft article was about the oh-so-popular v-day. But since those witty comments and ideas are floating aimlessly through the air around us (because that’s where the internet is you know… “just everywhere”… ask derek!) I’ll just highlight some of my thoughts that would have otherwise been so cleverly written.

First of all, I use the term “v-day” loosely because of my loathing hate for it… the term, not the day. upon hearing “v-day” I instantly think of venereal diseases. “Happy V-Day” = “Hope your STD tests come back in your favor.” I understand that “v-day” is considerably easier to write than “valentines day.” But, come on folks; let’s not mix up a day of love with concern of suspicious bumps in places that only good Christian married couples know about…

Now, it’s just the term that I hate. Not the day of St. Valentine… this, in fact, is a day that I love. I know… I know… odd to think about. Kari celebrating a day of love? I may be cynical and sometimes described as “bitchy”… but I do have feelings. And I do love valentines day. I am not sure if it is because it was always a highly celebrated holiday at home when I was a kids, or if it is because I have never stopped loving to make homemade valentines made out of excessive amounts of construction paper, glue and glitter, or if it is because I love watching kids celebrate this day as well.

(in the original article I had something else slyly alluding to the fact that I love candy as well… and while I managed to actually lose a good amount of weight during the Christmas season… I, in fact, managed to successfully consume approximately 14038 pieces of valentines day candy through out the one day season of love…)

I have to admit… at first when the day began I was worried that this would be the year that changed my mind about my beloved holiday. The kids at school were out of their minds from the moment they walked in the door. Dressed in their red/pink (with heart accessory) finest, they paraded in with their homemade mailboxes leaving a trail of glitter behind them. They immediately want to pass out valentines and stuff their faces with as much chocolate as they possibly could. Math, reading, or writing was out of the question that day… there was love in the air. When it finally came time for the “party,” they could hardly contain themselves… and I have to admit I was a little excited too! Valentines were opened and candy was gorged. Between peanut-butter-filled-chocolate-hearts I found out that I was “too good to be true,” “the cat’s meow,” and (my favorite) “ground-pounding/heart thumping.” Oh… day of love… how you never fail to lift my mood!

We limited the ADHD youngsters to only 2 pieces of candy in hopes of keeping some sanity within the school walls. And my homemade red/white/pink construction paper, glitter-filled notes of valentines wishes were cherished my all the kids.

(even G enjoyed the valentine although he was still a little sad… but not any less hyper… that we had not properly celebrated “beaver day” earlier this month.)

The rest of the day went as to be expected… Derek and I went out to great dinner where I managed to consume even more chocolate during the “chocolate lava cake” finale. (Dear Weight Watchers, please forgive me for Tuesday. I apparently was cast with a spell that makes me say “fuck the points” and over-indulge in diabetic-coma-like amounts of glucose stuffed food.)

We met with friends for drinks afterward. Came home and both passed out on the couch…

The next morning it was back to the “real world”… complete with kids bringing their profanities right back to school, all the glitter vacuumed off the floor, and me finally mailing out our “Valentines Day” cards….

blankwebpages.com

so apparently i have commented a few times about having my own website.. generally the comments come after i start thinking about my pet peeves, encounter an intersting person, spend time with friends, or have too many drinks..
i tried making a website in college once (for educational purposes only, of course…) and had a pretty hard time figuring out (in all seriousness..) why blankwebpages.com would not let me just sign up for one..
this caused derek some serious stress (and quite a bit of anger) so this is what he came up with for me.