So, I’m about 15 days into this MS journey, navigating through new realities.. A little slower than my normal fast paced, ADHD life, but still navigating.
As if I could ever give up that control..
A few things I have realized along the way so far:
Pee is urgent! I mean, really urgent! Like all of a sudden, you are afraid you are peeing your pants. Well, not really afraid, because you know it doesn’t scare me to pee my pants. I think that’s just a funny story. Now it’s just an urgent, funny story.
It is really difficult learning to ask for help. It’s a good thing I have such an amazing husband, such understanding family members and such trusting friends.. Because they have given my independent self just the right amount of freedom and boundaries to not bruise my ego when it comes to saying what I need.
A bed alarm is the absolute worst! Being labeled a “fall risk” (complete with florescent bracelets to warn those I might have come in contact with) meant that I was not allowed to get out of my hospital bed without a nurse coming to shut off the alarm. That’s right! A loud blinking, beeping alarm would go off anytime I swung a limb off my bedside!
(Never mind if I wasn’t even trying to go anywhere! Never mind if I was just trying to recline that damn hospital bed back far enough to stretch a good right arm to an outlet to plug my hair straightener in!)
Busted every time. Well, until I learned to disarm the bedside alarms. And then all bets were off. Because, let’s be real, sometimes there’s no stopping a vain girl from doing her hair, even in a hospital gown.
Telling your finger to touch your nose is way taken for granted! I’m serious! You do that right now! Touch your nose! Ten times even! When your brain can’t get your finger to do that, well, that’s when shit gets real weird. And consequently that’s also when you should probably just go to the ER. But, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a slice of cold pizza first. You know those ER doctors won’t let you eat for awhile!
One huge change for me, that’s really taken some time coming to terms with, is I do have a heart. I mean, I knew there was something in there holding things together, but I liked to think of it a little chiseled, maybe a little rough.. Picture a diamond. Ha! Not complete stone, but some potential to shine.
Okay, truth of the matter, I have never been a sappy person.
Concerned, empathetic and caring, I like to think yes.
Weepy, touched, poetic, nope.
So I’m not sure if it’s the combination of my birthday and the amount of outreach I have received regarding this diagnosis, or what. But all of a sudden I’m the Grinch on Christmas morning, listening to those little woovilles sing about no food, with a heart that has grown three times the size.
At the risk of sounding ridiculous, I have found a new sense of calm that I am sure can only be attributed to the amount of support, love, encouragement and generosity that so many people have shown me and my family. I am beyond words when it comes to being grateful.. For things I had never expected to be grateful about.
Example? My friends in vegetable costumes! Vegetable costumes that raised over $2000 in less than two weeks for MS research. There’s a whole new level of humbling peace (although I didn’t seem like that when I was screaming in delight on FaceTime!) I never thought I would know.
It really is incredible what a little life changing mishap can do to teach a girl about humility and gratitude. Don’t worry though. I’m not letting MS take my signature cynical, old crabby lady sense of humor. Oh, hell no. But I suppose I little bit of sensitivity never hurt no one!
I got started with my new neurology team here in Des Moines and have some exciting things working for my future. … Until then just waiting for all these steroids to pass through, and keeping my fingers crossed for no chest hair or a growing penis!
Maybe part of this new reality is blogging a little more as well (Karma! You bitch!!) I know there are many updates, and I, very fortunately, have many people to keep updated. So this might just as well just be the new place for all if that.
Well, unless you ever want to meet up somewhere and be updated over bloody Marys. Because you know that’s always my favorite option!