Kari Brooks

“Okay! I’m talking and you’re talking… hmm…” says the teacher in the front of the room.
Is it me talking to my elementary school students you wonder?
Nope.
It’s my college professor in my graduate level $990.00 course.
(Well at least she didn’t “SHHH!” us like the 19-year-old sophomore bitch in the front row did last week.)
“I’m talking and you’re talking…” I’ll take that. I will let you talk. In fact, my clever little self will let you talk all nite long. And when you are anxiously waiting for a response during that awkward silence after you ask a question too hard for the undergraduate students to answer… I’ll still just be sitting quietly in the back row. Not talking while you are talking.
I am a teacher… That will teach you the lesson of telling me not to talk.
So we wait.
She asks a question. It’s painful. The silence is painful… not the question. No one answers the question. The “obnoxious grad students in the back” (as we have been labeled) decide we will let the others do the answering tonite. And so we all wait together.
I can’t help but smirk a little when the general look on the kids around the room is confusion, and I get a little nudge and giggle from my peer sitting next to me.
Maybe I should set this situation up a little better in your mind. Let me tell you about the reasons that we are “talking in class.” WE ARE BORED!!!
Is it right to be back in the back row passing judgment about comments being made?* No, it’s not right. But really, I don’t need to spend two hours talking about the fucking AEA or taking personality tests torn out of some out-of-date Seventeen magazine!
I am not trying to be rude, (there are many things that I am that I shouldn’t be… judgmental, loud, overwhelming, etc. but I don’t intentionally try to be rude), about being in a classroom environment with 19-year-old sophomores but follow me here –
Think back to your 19-year-old mind. What were your experiences? What was your development in terms of your career and work ethic?
Here is the news… we are not on the same page!! There is nothing wrong with that, but please, somebody at the damn college, please acknowledge that we are not in the same place. And therefore, should probably not be in the same class. Start thinking that one through please, Drake University.
(Please know that I do not mean being in a room with undergraduate students is a bad thing. There are aspects that we can all continue to learn from one another. But, when the majority of these students have had no hands on classroom experiences, it makes the learning environment naturally fall into two different playing fields. So, it is not the amount of education that I am talking about when I say “undergraduate,” I am more referring to the amount of experience among the different groups. This is something I can admit a difference of myself in as well. I naturally did not know nearly as much about being the classroom when I was a sophomore at Cornell as I do know. From actually having been in the classroom.)
And while we are on the “undergraduate vs. graduate” thing… I am not sure if this is a Drake thing, or if this happened at Cornell also and I just didn’t realize it (being of a more immature, inexperienced mindset), but this course is filled with lemmings. People, please! It is okay for you to have a different idea than what the professor has and you sure can express it! In fact, that makes the course much more interesting! Honestly, throw me a bone here, dammit.
It’s bad.
I know what I am going to say next might sound lame. But I really like learning. And I do really enjoy being in class to see what I can gain from it. I am not one of those people who just take the class to take it, I really do like to participate in discussions, debate, and hear other people’s experiences and perspectives. (The complete psychology of a teacher will come at a later date!) It is really hard for me to sit in a class and realize that I am not gaining anything from what I am being exposed to.
All of this, and more, is why Wednesday evenings have just become a horrible, daunting task for me each week.

* I hate to go back to the guy who loves the “happy kids with Down’s Syndrome,” but HE KILLS ME! Get out of the fucking profession! You can not relate every special education incident to your high school senior year football experience. And tonite I learned that you most certainly can not relate to a child with disabilities needing help because you needed help pitching on the sophomore high school baseball team! Are you sure that a job at Kum and Go isn’t calling you out?

Reason Number 94 explains the point of this inventory.

1. I love learning. I would be a student for life if I could afford to be.
2. If I was architect-minded I would be a construction worker. I am fascinated with their work.
3. Getting too hungry makes me very sad… and has even been known to make me cry.
4. The only kind of chocolate that I really enjoy is dark chocolate. I hate white chocolate.
5. Even though my stomach hates caffeine, I drink one can of diet mountain dew every day.
6. I love wearing stocking hats.
7. I also really love wearing baseball caps.
8. I am a terrible speller. When I write in front of my students I always make sure I have a dictionary close by just in case.
9. Even though I never really had a strong interest in science, I loved the biology course I took in college.
10. I get very easily embarrassed for others.
11. When things get really funny, my laugh tends to get a little out of control.
12. When the laugh moves to that stage, I have been known to pee my pants… this starts the “out of control laughing” all over again.
13. My first girl crush was Drew Berrymore.
14. My favorite movie is Good Will Hunting.
15. I really hate sweet potatoes.
16. Before my dog started sleeping with me, I used to always sleep so that my feet would hang off the bed. It made me feel taller.
17. I made a to-do list in 5th grade of life long goals, and occasionally am still checking things off it.
18. I used to think that I wanted to be the first woman president.
19. Although it’s not really a surprise to anyone, I really don’t understand how the internet works.
20. There are times I think that I am pretty funny.
21. I love nice jewelry.
22. Being a secretary would not bother me one bit, because I love doing paperwork, writing out checks, and filling out forms.
23. I am a terrible liar.
24. I am obsessed with cleaning my ears every morning after I get out of the shower.
25. It is true that when I get home from working out, I take off my shirt and flex in front of the mirror.
26. The “getting ready process” is my least favorite part of the day.
27. If it was socially acceptable to not shower regularly, I would probably only shower once every few days.
28. My feet feel most comfortable in my black reef flip flops.
29. I don’t think it matters how old you are, you should not have nasty panty lines showing through your dress pants.
30. I have not worn pantyhose with a dress/skirt since I wore them for the first time in 4th grade.
31. I was in choir for 6 years.
32. My first celebrity crush was Kevin Bacon in Footloose.
33. I have always wished that I was an artist.
34. Taking a cooking class has been a list of things to do for quite a while.
35. I pick my nose. But I have never eaten a booger.
37. I think I grew up in one of the best neighborhoods ever.
38. Softball was my favorite sport growing up.
39. I love wearing huge sunglasses.
40. I have a soft spot in my heart for almost all “naughty kids.”
41. Being a little lost while driving does not bother me, I like to think of it as an adventure.
42. I love making lists just to cross things off it. Sometimes I even add things to the list that I have already done that day, just so I can immediately cross it out.
43. I do not mind speaking in front of a crowd.
44. Because of my dad’s homebrew, I have appreciated good beer for most of my life.
45. I did not vote for George W., and I think he is a disgrace to our nation’s public education system.
46. I have never held a gun… not even a BB gun.
47. Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday (besides my birthday of course.)
48. I usually talk to one of my parents at least once a day.
49. Singing very loudly in the car is something I do frequently.
50. I do not like to talk to anyone for the first 30 minutes I am awake.
51. I am terrible at keeping secrets. If I buy a gift for someone, I usually call them from the store to tell them what I bought.
52. Playing Skip-Bo is something I wish I did more often.
53. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies. The Red Tent is my favorite book.
54. I LOVE theme parties, which apparently some think is “out of character” for me.
55. When I clean my house I like to be the only one home, wearing small “cheer” shorts, and listening to Michael Jackson very loudly.
56. I constantly talk to myself.
57. I have only yelled in my classroom 3 times. I felt terrible after each time and eventually apologized to the class.
58. The only thing I really miss about not having a television is watching baseball on ESPN.
59. I have kept a journal since my first pink diary in 2nd grade.
60. I really do not enjoy cats. In fact, they kind of scare me at times.
61. I love smoking cigars.
62. I have never been to Washington D.C.
63. Fall is by far my most favorite season.
64. Buying new jeans makes me very crabby.
65. I hate having other people be in my bed… especially if they put their head on my pillow.
66. I think of my dog as my child and I don’t have any problem admitting that I talk to him that way, and celebrate his milestones like a parent would with their kid.
67. I really do not enjoy theme parks.
68. I love to see live music, even if I don’t know anything about the musician.
69. I secretly wish that I was an amazing skateboarder.
70. I have no problem admitting that I exaggerate all the time.
71. Traveling is one of my most favorite things to do. I wish I had more money to do it more often.
72. I have never been in an adult shop.
73. I am not that into romance, and frankly, it embarrasses me most of the time.
74. I try to eat one apple everyday.
75. Although I am getting a little better, I am terrible with money.
76. I tend to make jokes out of things that are not always appropriate to be laughing about.
77. When I am in the right crowd I like to see how far I can push the “shock factor.” Grossing people out is really funny to me.
78. Because I have worked with kids for so long, I am fairly immune to most things, except for pink eye. I always get pink eye.
79. Subtract with trade was the worst/hardest thing I remember trying to learn in elementary school.
80. I still keep in touch with my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Parmen.
81. Romantic comedy movie usually just piss me off.
82. I only have 2 cousins, and I love that.
83. London is my most favorite place that I have visited.
84. When I get tired, there is no stopping it. I have to take a nap or just go to bed right as soon as that happens.
85. There are times when I am afraid to be home alone (especially if it is dark outside.)
86. I check weather.com every morning.
87. I have a terrible habit of interrupting.
88. I have not eaten red meat since my sophomore year of high school, eight years ago.
89. Mowing the lawn is one of my favorite chores.
90. I have only been on one blind date, and it was one of the worst experiences ever.
91. I am an overachiever in school. Even though I act like I don’t care about my grades, I really do get upset if I don’t get A’s.
92. One of my biggest fears is having to poo someplace other than my own home. (So, I just don’t.)
93. I really enjoy going out to eat, and appreciate “edible art.”
94. I am one of the biggest procrastinators ever. (I have a paper due tomorrow, and am writing a 100 fact list instead…)
95. Being around babies generally makes me very uncomfortable because I don’t know what to say about/to them, I don’t think they are cute, and I am worried that I will never have a “motherly instinct.”
96. Every time I hear the word “moist” I become uncomfortable, even if it is being used to describe a fantastic chocolate cake.
97. I love having my photo taken.
98. Ever since 5th grade, white vans with no windows have seriously frightened me.
99. I am a very auditory learner.
100. Not having my toe nails painted drives me crazy.
101. I hate most breakfast food, especially syrup.
102. Going to the Iowa State Fair is one of my most favorite summer time events.
103. When I get in bed at nite I have to squirm and shimmy around for a good 5 minutes to get all the blankets and my body warmed up.

One year ago today I made an important promise to my best friend.

I’ll forever pretend to be amazed at the way you flick your underwear off your big toe and flawlessly catch them in your hand before heading to the shower each morning.

Here’s to us.